A new day dawns...

I am conflicted.

I have recently allowed mass amounts of my own personal "material" into the streets, into the black markets and into the hands of soul-stealing heathens.

I realize that may have come out wrong.

Sorry. I meant that the meat of my most private dreams...

It seems that when I am uneasy I cannot edit out low-brow buns. Puns. Puns. I meant Puns.

Damnit.

Anyway, what I meant to say was that my personal porfolio of reality show ideas has been stolen, and now the world--though possibly being better off with the exposure of my entertaining yet socially relevant docu-stories--will be bombarded with too much of my sub-conscience at once. I truly admire Michel Gondry for being comfortable with people seeing all of his most vivid crazy-time brain activity, but I don't know if the global community is ready for what my gigantic organ has to offer. (sorry again--this time about the unnecessary use of dashes as well as dirty-talk).

When it comes down to it, maybe I should just give you an example of what was contained in my Very Secret Guide to Being a Fox Executive in the Reality Television Division Journal (the VSGBFERTDJ for short). One of my earlier conceptions would simply blow the doors off your conventional reality show and then take those same doors and whittle them down to snowboards that we could totally thrash the competition with:

Show idea #47

Death of a Dream: Bad Dads

The concept is simple. There would be (8) father/son teams (formerly those who haven't talked in at least 5 years) that would rush to make it rich through any get-rich scheme that they can find--pyramid, calling round--you name it. The catch is, they would have to win the start-up cash by playing scenes from Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman in front of Burt Renolds. The teams that play the roles most convincingly (according to Burt), without letting the terrible irony of the text cripple their hope completely, wins the start-up for that next money-making venture. The first team to make a profit of at least $500.00 wins. Oh, and they all live in bad two-double-bed motel rooms for the duration of the show.

So, anyway...if you see that show on (or some similar version), you'll know where it came from. JP says it's totally in bad taste and no one would watch something that depressing, but I just saw a show "Celebrity Rehab," and I'm not so sure that wasn't #35 in my journal.

I think I called it "Shoveling S**t, with Dr. Phil." Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

The Bourne pain in my ass

I was watching one of my favorite new shows, Chuck, when a half-screen ad for the new Bourne DVD release covered up a few seconds of the actual episode. This has reached a new level of absurdity. I can't imagine how far this might actually go.


This is an insult to the artists who work on the shows, and the actors whose pelvises are constantly being covered. And, though I am certainly not the first person to witness or comment on these ridiculous advertisements which run at the bottom of the screen during most network television, I would like to be the one to spearhead a movement (please e-mail "movement" ideas to onlinebudstv@gmail.com).

As soon as I have my first plan, we will execute it with precision and immeasurable force. Every bud will be held accountable.

on writers, striking, and the Paramount Gate

I recently flew into Los Angeles in effort to quell the tensions between the Justice League of American Writers and the insidious Dr. Money and his band of producing thugs. After much protesting, occasional streaking and hours of standing outside of The Home Depot in hopes of being picked up for $2/hr labor, it seems that my presence and truly practical advice was neither heeded nor noticed.




This, my friends, is the real problem.



Being the brains behind 'Taste Buds' isn't easy. It takes pure collaboration and a fiery passion for truth, taste and being right all the time. It can be exhausting to single handedly* shape the opinions of readers from ages 1 to 100. Even the most obscure demographics and subcultures like Greyhound bus riders come here for their reviews and opinions. Needless to say, Taste Buds has its work cut out for it.






I* am constantly seeking new ways to bring our readers the best informed decisions possible, so they don't have to decide for themselves. But, unlike advertising companies, I* don't do it for the money. I do it for the love. The love of winning. Being the best. It's not about making things cheaper and making the most profit--it's about doing things better than everyone else. Isn't that what we're really forgetting, here? There was a time when producers wanted the best writers to make the best shows so that their network was the best. Now, if they can get away with crappy programming and still make ad revenue, then they feel that they've accomplished their goal. The pride has left the entertainment industry, and as a result, writers are having to pay other people to picket in line while they get an expresso and talk "shop." Things are getting out of hand, people, and we've got to write the ship.

You can do your part to demand better programming (like Taste Buds) and boycotting products that are advertising on the worst programs. Heck, you could even take the place of a striking writer's assistant in front of the Paramout Gates so they can take a break, grab a latte and write something that will save the world.


(*JP helps as well)